A girl in my office is getting married. She had a shower thrown for her at her church yesterday. She is a kind and generous soul, and brought in leftover cake. It is a massive sheet cake, with roses. I had a piece for breakfast; it was guiltily delicious. As I was walking past the table with the cake earlier, I noticed the label:
Full Sheet Cake, White
I'm sure you know the kind of cake I'm talking about. My best reference point is that this is the kind of cake we BEGGED for as children, sick of and embarrassed by our mother's homemade ("plain") cakes. My mom calls it Crisco Frosting. I would nod in enthusiastic agreement, "Yes, Crisco frosting, that's the one I want!!" And I will certainly eat said cake to this day, when it's put in front of me. But that makes me a little bit mortified, to think about my mother, who (it turns out!) doesn't like to cook, going through the elaborate processes of my grandmother's Devil's Food Cake recipe, and the next year, Ungrateful Daughter says, "I want the one from Food Lion." It also makes me a little bit weepy, how far would I travel and how many crimes would I commit for a slab of my grandmother's Devil's Food Cake, with Seven Minute Frosting, which hardened to a grainy, crispy crunch, over which she drizzled bitter chocolate.
My point is this: "Buttercreme, White."
Buttercreme, my ass. I'm sorry, is that legal? Are we honestly supposed to believe there is even a THOUGHT of actual butter in that frosting? That a real stick of real butter might have dashed past the cake on its covert journey to be creamed and sugared and labored over for an actual, honest-to-God buttercream? By spelling it "creme," are they circumventing the truth behind the "butter?" "Creme" calls up images of Little Debbies, filled doughnuts, icings on Toaster Strudels. Nobody pretends there is any real butter in any of those things. I'm far from being a political person, but I'm considering becoming a lobbyist. I will petition Congress: do not let KrogerTeeterSamsMart call this "butter-" anything. Officially.
I have so much else to talk about. The last month has been, to be completely generic, crazy. My sisters got married. Austin's brother got married. We got a puppy. A puppy! What are we thinking?! I'm sort of pursuing some sort of interesting pursuits in my sort of attempt at a sort of career/sort of future... which all involve baking. Sort of. And I want to elaborate on all of these things, and also on many others that are just creeping around at the edge of my brain. But I'm only 3/4 of the way through Harry Potter Book 5, which I want to have finished before Movie 5 opens this week, and then gotta cram Book 6 before Book 7 arrives next week (!!), and plus I have to make a fair stab at our Book Club Selection for July (Three Cups of Tea), so I really just need to crawl back under my desk and read, and tell you about the Significant Details later. I leave you with this, as proof that there is Lots to Tell: