Monday, July 9, 2007

Side One, Track One

A girl in my office is getting married. She had a shower thrown for her at her church yesterday. She is a kind and generous soul, and brought in leftover cake. It is a massive sheet cake, with roses. I had a piece for breakfast; it was guiltily delicious. As I was walking past the table with the cake earlier, I noticed the label:

Full Sheet Cake, White
Buttercreme, White

I'm sure you know the kind of cake I'm talking about. My best reference point is that this is the kind of cake we BEGGED for as children, sick of and embarrassed by our mother's homemade ("plain") cakes. My mom calls it Crisco Frosting. I would nod in enthusiastic agreement, "Yes, Crisco frosting, that's the one I want!!" And I will certainly eat said cake to this day, when it's put in front of me. But that makes me a little bit mortified, to think about my mother, who (it turns out!) doesn't like to cook, going through the elaborate processes of my grandmother's Devil's Food Cake recipe, and the next year, Ungrateful Daughter says, "I want the one from Food Lion." It also makes me a little bit weepy, how far would I travel and how many crimes would I commit for a slab of my grandmother's Devil's Food Cake, with Seven Minute Frosting, which hardened to a grainy, crispy crunch, over which she drizzled bitter chocolate.

My point is this: "Buttercreme, White."

Buttercreme, my ass. I'm sorry, is that legal? Are we honestly supposed to believe there is even a THOUGHT of actual butter in that frosting? That a real stick of real butter might have dashed past the cake on its covert journey to be creamed and sugared and labored over for an actual, honest-to-God buttercream? By spelling it "creme," are they circumventing the truth behind the "butter?" "Creme" calls up images of Little Debbies, filled doughnuts, icings on Toaster Strudels. Nobody pretends there is any real butter in any of those things. I'm far from being a political person, but I'm considering becoming a lobbyist. I will petition Congress: do not let KrogerTeeterSamsMart call this "butter-" anything. Officially.

I have so much else to talk about. The last month has been, to be completely generic, crazy. My sisters got married. Austin's brother got married. We got a puppy. A puppy! What are we thinking?! I'm sort of pursuing some sort of interesting pursuits in my sort of attempt at a sort of career/sort of future... which all involve baking. Sort of. And I want to elaborate on all of these things, and also on many others that are just creeping around at the edge of my brain. But I'm only 3/4 of the way through Harry Potter Book 5, which I want to have finished before Movie 5 opens this week, and then gotta cram Book 6 before Book 7 arrives next week (!!), and plus I have to make a fair stab at our Book Club Selection for July (Three Cups of Tea), so I really just need to crawl back under my desk and read, and tell you about the Significant Details later. I leave you with this, as proof that there is Lots to Tell:


agnes said...

ohh! a real live delaney blog. so satisfying. aaaallllmost as exciting as what happened in my kitchen this weekend when your ben & jerry's ice cream cookbook came home with me. the chunks, i tell you, have changed my life. those hippies know a thing or two.

Kat said...


You need to bring that fluffy bit of cuteness so some play classes? They're so much fun! AND you have a tired puppy for the rest of the day! What more could you ask for, really?

Congrats on the new addition!!

Love the blog! Keep 'em coming!

DJ B said...

Generalizing on your adversion to the deliberate illusion of butter in something clearly not that healthy :) I think there ought to be an FDA ban on homophonic (to briefly digress, that word is bound to raise at least a temporary eyebrow or two) brand names. I don't care if you make shit up, like Twizzlers or Nutrageous, but when the purpose of appellations like Kreme, Froot and Lite is to deliberately deceive or at least mislead people, well, that stuff's gotta go. Sorry, Krispy Kreme, you suck! I have a whole 'nother related rant on words like Kwik, Speed-E and Biznass in signage (OK, I have never seen that last one in a sign although I'm sure it's just a matter of time) but since that's not going to tie into your food theme here I'll find someone else's blog to spice up with my hot remora action.

Cynthia said...

What a delicious treat! I enjoyed this post like a layer cake...and with none of the repurcussions. Keep writing, Delaney! You're wonderful. And I know I'll keep reading.

auntB said...

So much fun to visit your site, Delaney. K and I are ahhing over the picture of A and M. We are still talking about the big weekend. I really enjoyed seeing everyone. You girls did a fabulous job of organizing. Whew! I hope you have time to relax now. K, like you, is soaking up Harry Potter, rereading the previous books, watching the old movies and anxiously awaiting her reserved copy of the new book. The new movie is required summer fare, of course. Love since day one,
Aunt B

Denny said...

Nice. It's almost like you're next door! Now I have to go track down a piece of good cake. Damn.

What kinda dog? Looks like it's gonna be big.

Paula J. said...

I have so much to tell you and not much time right now. But better a quick message than no message at all, right? Thanksgiving is right around the corner, so to speak, and you won't be here!!! ARGGGGHHH. I'm trying hard to get in the mood to even start planning it all. At least Uncle John and I got started with the cleaning today. Although that's the last thing Thanksgiving is about, huh?
I'm doing this thing at work called 23 Things. It's a life long learning thing and part of it is starting a blog. Mine is called, myboatintheforest. Ha, what a name. That day, Simon and Ben brought over Simon's mom's old wooden row boat that leaks and isn't good for being in the water anymore. I decided I could make it a small garden and place of contemplation! To date all I've done is make it into a blog name.
I have to tell you, before I forget, that I burned up two teakettles recently. Both were the same brand as yours. Can you believe that? I finally got it that I can't put that kettle on high heat on our stove. So it takes forever to boil water for tea. I couldn't believe when I read that you did the same thing.
Now I have to go and look up Three Cups of Tea.
Love you!!!, Aunt P