File Under: Incidents my Mother might misinterpret as a cry for help

Note to self: Whilst bringing two cups of pomegranate juice to a boil (with the further intent of reducing the heat, allowing to simmer until reduced to 1/2 cup), DO NOT leave your favorite (and expensive) Le Creuset pot over high heat and then wander into the living room and get drawn into the new CW drama Gossip Girl, a guilty dirty teenager mess (it's like the OC in Manhattan).

IF you were to do that, probably you would look up twenty minutes later to a house filled with smoke and all the animals looking at you like you were perhaps trying to poison them. You might dash through the house followed by a string of expletives that would do your paternal grandmother proud. You would likely spend the next hour attempting to force smoke out every open door and window available, and performing desperate rescue attempts on your precious Le Creuset that involve a carefully crafted paste of Oxyclean and muttered prayers to various deities.

And you probably wouldn't admit to ANYONE that, in fact, not two hours earlier, you might have been called to the kitchen by the smell of smoke, only to discover that all the water in the pan under the artichoke steamer had boiled away, an unfortunate occurrence that happens EVERY SINGLE TIME you attempt to make artichokes lately.

So, sure, that's right. I tried to burn the house down. Twice. Tonight.