Friday, November 16, 2007

important ways in which I am, generally, an asshole

I am a very generous person. I said yesterday, in reference to Badness' birthday present, finding the perfect present for someone is better than getting presents myself. I think that at least 40% of my love of food is associated with sharing food. I bake for other people, I like to hand someone a bite of something sweet and see their faces bliss out. I love hosting, I love providing food.

But when you ask me, "Ooh, that looks good, can I have some of that?" before I have offered it to you, I am guaranteed to respond with a very stiff, "oh. I guess." Even if it is something I brought to the office with the purpose of sharing it. Because I'm a jerk and I like being able to PRESENT something, and because I hate moochers, even when I am regularly a mooch myself. And I guess, like the great and powerful Lucille Bluth, I get off on being withholding.

And while I'm on confessions, and this is definitely related to my issues with sharing, here is another way I'm an asshole, and particularly my major flaw as a manager: I play favorites. I mean, of course I do. Everybody does, right? This was, obviously, most significant at Hatch. I worked with my sisters most of the time, and of course they were my favorites. But they were also really, really good employees, some of the best during my tenure. If they had been slacks, would I have still favored them? Probably. It was worst with interns. I would invite the hip, funny interns to come out to dinner with us, but not the lame ones who talked too much. That's terrible, right? And I'd be sure the ones I liked got the jobs they wanted, at least part of the time.

Just one more reason for me to not have children. Seriously.


agnes said...

i would like to weigh in here and declare it ain't favoritism to only invite the cool interns over to your house. MAYBE hoarding the sweets at your desk so the ones you like the best get a bite before it's gobbled up by the weirdos is borderline... but for goodness sake, He Who Shall Not Be Named (who had many names and addressed you as Mr.) - what manager alive would have that kid to dinner, even if they had hired him... and besides, few people in history are as kickass as the Gill girls, who WOULDN'T favor them. psh, i know i do...

G.B. Williams said...

Having met the majority of the Hatch interns over the last year and a half, I must wholeheartedly agree with Miss Badness. That's a motley crew if ever there were one.

Vickie said...

I know it must be hard to post a blog every day, but peeking into that noisy mind has become one of the favorite parts of my day. And since, like your mother, you love the lists, here’s one of mine.

10 Things I love about Delaney:

1. When I’m her, she pops sweet things into my mouth; when I’m not with her, she mails them to me.
2. I owe my CCCHS coolness factor to fact that she liked having me hang around her friends(sometimes), which in turn, enabled me to drop “Cannibal Corpse” in the middle of a lesson on poetry.
3. I owe my Dunn School coolness factor to the fact that I can burst into “I’m a One Man Killing Machine” in the middle of dorm duty because she sent me that song.
4. Her references to me in her blogs make me feel mysterious and sexy.
5. She fiercely loves everyone in her family.
6. She happily surrounds herself with 3 dogs, 3 cats, and a Boo.
7. She dresses up as a Buttery Nipple (I really love that).
8. She understands my mother.
9. She’s a full-body laugher.
10. She’s fearless and fearful all at the same time.

Sounds like a perfect mom,
Love from a huge fan.

CDG said...

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about the favoritism thing with kids. Just like with me and J, you'd just like them better than all other kids. Nothing wrong with that!